true and helpful i believe.
to completely stop unnecessary quarrels. this can help me keep things simple.

When you start to feel that you must get the other person to agree with you at all costs, you know you must stop arguing. Follow these guidelines:


Think: Is there anything that could be gained from the argument at this point? If the answer is no, it's time to stop talking, no matter how angry you are.

Don't repeat yourself. Making your point once is much more powerful than repeating it over and over again. This applies in work situations too. Think of yourself like a lawyer presenting a brief. Say what you think, then keep your mouth shut. "Anything further that you say at this point is going to screw up your best chance at a good outcome," says Wolf.

Don't respond to retorts that are designed to make you angry. Ignore them. If your partner or father or friend baits you by saying something like: "You're just like your mother" or "You always say that!" recognize it for what it is and tune it out.

When you hand out advice, don't require the other person to recognize it as the most brilliant suggestion ever. Just say it and move on.

Above all, get used to the idea that the best outcome of an argument is that it ends. Don't cling to the unrealistic expectation that you'll be able to resolve the problem or get the other person to see it your way. Conciliation doesn't happen when two people are face to face, Wolf says. It happens in your own head, hours or days after the fight.

Maybe you'll be able to resolve the issue a couple of weeks later, when the feelings have died down. But many arguments never to do get settled. That's normal. "In the best relationships, there remain serious pockets of unresolved bitterness," says Wolf. Learning how to argue -- and learning how to stop -- will prevent these disagreements from damaging your relationship

Labels: simple

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